I’m at a tipping point.

I’ve come to realise that perhaps my brother made the best decision ever to move far, far away from the stupidity and madness that sometimes engulfs older folk on this island. Unfortunately for me, this madness has decided to show itself as a result of the planning of my coming wedding.

I know weddings are supposed to be joyous affairs and such but why is mine beginning to feel like a drag? And all this even before it’s begun. Tonight, I finally found the answer when my mom asked me to tell the hotel to replace all table numbers ending with the digit ‘4’. Why? Some people may get offended she said. Oh yea, take away ’13’ too since some westernised people might not like that too.

Honestly, it’s a simple thing to email the event manager in charge and get it changed but it’s so fucking stupid that I reel in disgust at the thought of putting my name at the end of that request. I’m not going to do that. If I have to, then my wedding speech is going to be as follows:

“Good evening everyone. Thank you for coming to our wedding.

It’s very kind of you to join us on this day where we’re about to embark on a journey that I can only imagine will be tough and demanding. Our purpose together is, therefore, to be a pillar of strength  for each other in times where stupid people say or do stupid things to us.

That’s right. I’m referring to all of you seated at table numbers you don’t like or those that didn’t like the order in which they were served tea. Those that didn’t like the food or those who muttered behind our backs about we didn’t do things like ‘hair combing’ or me letting Melisa ride upon my shoulders while I dance to the tune of ‘you sexy thing’ by Hot Chocolate. Oh wait. I’m sorry, that isn’t exactly a common wedding practice is it?

Yea, that’s right. If you’re feeling pissed because you’re guilty of the above behaviour, then I just have five words for you- “I’ve got your angpao already.” Yea, so if you’re thinking of taking 50 bucks out of it, too bad. Suck it up.

Oh, by the way, do stay for dessert, I hear the red bean and tang yuan’s delicious. Thank you!”

Fortunately, I have a blog instead.